Since I can remember there has been a sense of distance between me and the experiences happening around me.
At concerts I’d have more fun watching people watching the show. At sporting events in the stands or watching them on tv, it was always more fun watching people watch the game. Witnessing their excitement was, for some reason, always more thrilling.
And then I went under water. While snorkeling, I experienced first hand a sense of marvel that I hadn’t for years. The last time was probably when I had flown into Los Angeles at 11 years of age thinking, hoping, and wishing I’d live there forever. I couldn’t believe the plane ride was happening to me. I felt it. Then life happened, of course.
With snorkeling there was no one around to watch to filter the experience. It was just me, the fish, and the corals (and supposedly a shark but that remains hearsay). I felt the water, the waves rushing against me. I could touch the corals below me. I was astonished that anything could be this beautiful. But mostly, I was astonished it was real and it was happening to me. For the first time, in a long time, I was there. Somewhere.
Breathing under water for the first time will be unforgettable. The apprehension of letting go, going deeper under water, and seeing the surface slip away. The taking of that first breathe when there’s a moment of further apprehension whether it will all go as planned or whether life itself ends at that point. And then the exhale, the bubbles crowding the space around me as they floated away.
I realized how long it had been since I was truly anywhere. Having finally been somewhere, been and felt, it seems I should return to the water as often as I can. After all, it seems I can feel life the most under water.
